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Monday, January 01, 2018

The year in review

Dave Barry puts it all in perspective. Some highlights:
  • Nobody seems to know how, specifically, the Russians affected the election, but everybody is pretty sure they did something, especially CNN, which has not been so excited about a story since those heady months in 2014 when it provided 24/7 video coverage of random objects floating in the Pacific while panels of experts speculated on whether those objects might or might not have anything to do with that missing Malaysian airliner. You can tune in to CNN any time, day or night, and you are virtually guaranteed to hear the word “Russians” within 10 seconds, even if it’s during a Depends commercial.
  •  NASA, in a major scientific discovery, announces that a star system less than 40 light-years away contains seven Earth-size planets, at least three of which appear to have a Starbucks.
  • On the legislative front, the big story is Obamacare, which the Republicans have been running against for seven straight years. Their message has been: “Vote for us, and we WILL get rid of Obamacare!” So now that they control the White House and both houses of Congress, there can be no stopping them. It’s time to deliver! GET READY FOR A REPUBLICAN-LEADERSHIP-STYLE BUTT-WHUPPIN’, OBAMACARE! When the smoke clears, Obamacare is sitting at the bar, unscathed, sipping a whiskey and flirting with the barmaid. Republican congressional leaders are strewn all over the barroom floor, noses bleeding, underpants pulled over their foreheads. But this setback does not deter them for long. They pick themselves up, dust themselves off, tuck themselves back in and start making plans for their next bold legislative masterstroke.
  • In aviation news, United Airlines breaks new customer-service ground when it decides that a 69-year-old passenger who has already boarded his flight must be “re-accommodated” via a technique similar to the one the Mexican army used to re-accommodate the Texans at the Alamo, leaving him with a concussion, broken teeth and a broken nose. At first United’s CEO defends the airline’s actions on the grounds that, quote, “We have the collective IQ of a starfish.” But after a firestorm of public outrage he apologizes and promises that in the future United will employ a “more humane” re-accommodation policy based on “respect for our customers and, when needed, tranquilizer darts.”
  • In other political developments, Greg Gianforte, a Republican running for Montana’s vacant congressional seat, gets national headlines when he body-slams a reporter for the Guardian newspaper. He is immediately hired as director of customer relations by United Airlines. No, seriously, despite being charged with assault, Gianforte wins easily, yet another indication that in much of the nation journalists enjoy the same level of popularity as head lice.
  • Republican congressional leaders determined to avenge their humiliating defeat at the hands of Obamacare emerge after months of closed-door meetings with a new, smarter repeal strategy. The GOP, led by Senate Majority Leader Mitch “Mojo” McConnell, is cagey about the details, but sources say the plan involves a “high cliff” and a “really heavy safe,” which the Republicans plan to purchase from the Acme Corp.
  • Meanwhile a major scandal engulfs the entertainment world when the New York Times reveals that powerful movie producer Harvey Weinstein, despite being a prominent supporter of all the correct causes, basically spent the past several decades lumbering around in an open bathrobe forcing himself on unreceptive women. This news comes as a big shock to members of the Hollywood community, especially coming on the heels of their recent discovery that the pope is Catholic.
There is considerably more in this vein. It is amusing.

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27 Comments:

Blogger seeingsights January 01, 2018 11:13 AM  

This corroborates my hypothesis that some of the best material for comedy comes from left/liberal statism. Left/liberal statism is inherently worthy of ridicule.
The flip side of the coin is that left/liberal comedians such as Al Franken and Kathy Griffin are unfunny.

Blogger SemiSpook37 January 01, 2018 11:17 AM  

For as much as I disagree with Dave on a few things, this particular column has been a destination for me for the past 25 years. Thanks for the reminder, Dark Lord!

Blogger dc.sunsets January 01, 2018 11:23 AM  

@1 property understood, mining leftist antics (which of course include those of the GOP) for jokes is like making fun of paranoid schizophrenics.

Except that the left has run our society for a hundred years or more, and given that this was possible only if members of the electorate were just as batty, it means that Barry's humor is basically self-referential. We must be laughing at ourselves. (The alternative would probably involve mass murder, then suicide.)

The masses are nuts.

Blogger Stg58/Animal Mother January 01, 2018 11:27 AM  

Dave Barry is one of the best out there. Hilarious stuff.

Anonymous headphonewiremousepad January 01, 2018 11:30 AM  

Dave Barry sucks

Blogger Aeoli Pera January 01, 2018 11:39 AM  

seeingsights wrote:This corroborates my hypothesis that some of the best material for comedy comes from left/liberal statism. Left/liberal statism is inherently worthy of ridicule.

The flip side of the coin is that left/liberal comedians such as Al Franken and Kathy Griffin are unfunny.


Humor is populism.

Anonymous aegis-1080 January 01, 2018 11:55 AM  

The article is hilarious, followed closely by the comment section:

A Prog: "How dare Dave Barry to not take seriously the intrusion of DA RUSSIANS in our sacred democracy?".

These people are humorless.

Blogger Luke January 01, 2018 11:59 AM  

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, Dave Barry stopped being funny.

Anonymous Brick Hardslab January 01, 2018 12:06 PM  

Tough not to find men to mock in show business and politics. Dave Berry can find the funniest though.

Now we just need the crazy hair guy saying, "I'm not saying that Russians did it but Russians did it." To finish mocking the media.

Blogger VFM #7634 January 01, 2018 1:06 PM  

"The flip side of the coin is that left/liberal comedians such as Al Franken and Kathy Griffin are unfunny."

Don't forget Stephen Colbert. At least Jon Stewart would occasionally make fun of left-liberals and RINOs.

Blogger Resident Moron™ January 01, 2018 1:13 PM  

"No, seriously, despite being charged with assault, Gianforte wins easily, yet another indication that in much of the nation journalists enjoy the same level of popularity as head lice."

In spite of which, these same lunatics expect a majority of voters to believe them when they talk, about anything. I mean to say, if they cannot take the obvious inference from this event, then who is going to listen to their pontificating on the geopolitics of the Middle East?

Anonymous JAG January 01, 2018 1:52 PM  

VFM #7634 wrote:"The flip side of the coin is that left/liberal comedians such as Al Franken and Kathy Griffin are unfunny."

Don't forget Stephen Colbert. At least Jon Stewart would occasionally make fun of left-liberals and RINOs.


About the only thing funny Colbert ever did IMO was the Ambiguously Gay Duo with Steve Carell. Even funnier, Colbert would denounce, doxx, and deplatform any current comedian for the same cartoon if it were to debut in The Current Year™.

Blogger Eric Slate January 01, 2018 2:15 PM  

The leftist take over of SNL can be tracked to when their show started becoming unfunny.

Blogger StrongCoffee61 January 01, 2018 3:17 PM  

A major inconvenient truth was a highlight in 2017.

U.S. oil production averaged 9.6 million barrels per day. The highest since 1970.
The too White, too male, too rural, too free enterprise, and too red state fossil fuel industry has created a technology revolution in this critical wealth producing field.

Exactly the opposite of the leftwing "Limits to Growth" propaganda from the unassailable scientists from MIT.

With Trump's deregulations and tax rate cuts, domestic energy production should have a continued upsurge.

Unfortunately, the real cause of our limits to income growth and the true cause of our environmental degradation haven't been successfully dealt with by Trump, so far.
Our cancerous 3rd world population explosion continues unabated.

Blogger Fenris Wulf January 01, 2018 4:00 PM  

Dave Barry rocks! I read his column as a kid back when newspapers were still a thing.

Blogger SteelPalm January 01, 2018 4:14 PM  

Love Dave Barry. "Big Trouble" and "Tricky Business" are both excellent, funny novels I would recommend to anyone.

Also, not surprised that Fenris Wulf is a fan; "Loki's Child" occasionally had a Dave Barry vibe to it, which I mean as the sincerest compliment.

Anonymous Wooly New Year!! January 01, 2018 5:06 PM  

From AoSHQ's rant today by CBD.

How Trump and the Nazis Stole Christmas To Promote White Nationalism
[The actual headline...]

"In reality, this should be the golden age of journalism, because the ability to communicate has improved by many orders of magnitude, and their access to information is tremendous. Instead we get partisan bullshit like this, which would have been laughed at just a generation ago. Well, not by the NYT, because Walter Duranty. But many editors would have scoffed at this dreck.

"The long march of the Left through the institution of the media is complete. I see no way to claw it back from its current state. It is up to people like Ace and others in the so-called Fifth Estate to do the real investigation and analysis."

Blogger Lovekraft January 01, 2018 5:14 PM  

Jim Goad, over at takimag, also put out a good 2017 review:

http://takimag.com/article/the_17_most_annoying_people_of_2017_jim_goad/print#disqus_thread

Blogger Lovekraft January 01, 2018 5:14 PM  

A short list of the items from 2017 that stood out for me (not that I think anyone cares, but here it is):

1. Vegas. Evil incarnate. The cover-up/silence is almost as horrific.

2. Weinstein (aka The Toad King) and other drooling, married-but-celibate moral-grandstanding omegas.

3. Jerusalem embassy move. Turkey and its cabal basically forced this - enough GloboJihadInc atrocities means we make a countermove.

4. Sex-starved omega stealing $5000 sex doll. Throws it into his van and drives off. Enough said.

5. The Great Oscars F-Up. Star-struck assistant (ogling Jennifer Lawrence) leads to the wrong card handed to 'Hollywood Legendlolzolz" Warren Beatty. Hilarity ensues. Assistant received death threats.

6. West Point Commie. Recent graduate smugly displays a pro-communism t-shirt under his official uniform. A perfect example of why the swamp.must.be.drained.

Anonymous Kel January 01, 2018 6:08 PM  

News flash: this current Pope ain't Catholic. And if you really think about it, he ain't the Pope either.

OpenID markstoval January 01, 2018 6:20 PM  

News flash: this current Pope ain't Catholic.

As a Roman Catholic, I agree with you. But, I will go further and say I don't think this pope is even a Christian.

Blogger The Kurgan January 01, 2018 8:29 PM  

People beat me to it.
The current herald of the anti-Christ squatting in the Vatican is not only not a Christian, but he's actually a flat out Satanist.
And yes, I'm Catholic too.
Proper Catholic. Model 1095.

Blogger szopen January 02, 2018 8:29 AM  

The Kurgan wrote:People beat me to it.

The current herald of the anti-Christ squatting in the Vatican is not only not a Christian, but he's actually a flat out Satanist.

And yes, I'm Catholic too.

Proper Catholic. Model 1095.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedevacantism

Also, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Society_of_Saint_Pius_V

and Lefebvre's guys. I suspect the main reason why they are not popular is.... :D that they are not popular. Seriously. Not many people know they exist, there are no structures and so on.

Blogger Akulkis January 02, 2018 3:10 PM  

@1

I don't know.... Kathy Griffin lamenting, after a single tweet from Trump, tearfully whining about "he destroyed me" was one of the funniest things of the year... perhaps the decade.

Blogger Akulkis January 02, 2018 3:17 PM  

@12

SNL becaming unfunny can be tracked to when
the leftists took over their show.

There, fixed that for you.

Anonymous Stan Adams January 02, 2018 4:25 PM  

True story: A friend of a friend once met Dave Barry at a dinner party and asked for an autograph. Barry took a marker out of his pocket and scrawled his signature on the guy's dress shirt.

Hard to believe that Barry started out at the Miami Herald - the same paper that produced such luminaries as Dan Le Batard and Leonard Pitts.

(Le Batard, now on ESPN, started out as a sports columnist. His shtick was to defend any and all badly-behaving affletes with the line, "If you want a stud on Sunday afternoon, don't expect a saint on Saturday night." Pitts started out as a music critic, and eventually ended up as the Herald's very own race-baiter.)

Anonymous grey enlightenment January 02, 2018 7:18 PM  

Meanwhile a major scandal engulfs the entertainment world when the New York Times reveals that powerful movie producer Harvey Weinstein, despite being a prominent supporter of all the correct causes, basically spent the past several decades lumbering around in an open bathrobe forcing himself on unreceptive women. This news comes as a big shock to members of the Hollywood community, especially coming on the heels of their recent discovery that the pope is Catholic.


These women were not victims..they knew what the were getting into and then for some reason turned on him all at once, perhaps when they no longer needed him.

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